The Surprise of the Century...

Hi.

Just wanted to tell you what the surprise of the century is.

My parents left for Texas this morning to have Christmas with my sister and her now fiance (yep...you read that right. Merry Christmas to Shauna) and get back to their daily lives. They have no idea my sister is flying me in this evening as one of their "gifts." You hear that? For today through Wednesday morning, I am considered a "gift." While I'm gone,

Please Do Not Disturb.

Unless I Disturb You First.

Until we meet again:

Ghost hunt.


Peace be with you.
And also with you.

Happy Christmas Eve Eve...

So I am going to pick up my parents in a few. Their flight is delayed. I wish I had known that an hour ago so I could've slept in. Let's just say I had a yucky night. Let's say it involved me being me. And let's just say it ended with me losing my cell phone for almost an hour in my apartment that I didn't leave the entire night. How does that happen?

Notice the tree. Notice the tree topper. Now notice it up close:


Merry Christmas. I hope ya'll have a safe and happy holiday. Peace and Joy.

One Day Left...

Until my parents arrive. I'm so excited. It's my first Christmas in Chicago. I fool people into thinking I am way more of an adult than I actually am. But honestly, this phrase, "Christmas is at my house this year," may actually qualify me as an adult. The one thing I can't get down is Christmas cards. Every year I say I'm going to send them and every year I don't. I have a lot of people I would love to show some love to at Christmastime who live far away. My friends seem to get on this band wagon every year...one of these days...

The thing that scared me most about Christmas this year was the thought of trying to cook Christmas dinner. My kitchen is SMALL. Did I mention it's really SMALL? My mom and I have enough problems getting along in her kitchen that's normal-sized (because everything is bigger in Texas). Luckily, Ann Sather's is serving Christmas dinner all day Christmas Day. Yeah they are. My parents love the idea of someone else cooking for them. Yeah they do. The sad thing is, after Monday I will have officially gone without my Grandmother's dressing for one year. You have no idea how tragic that is.

P.S. I got invited back to the Law Office today, but unfortunately I have to work at the 'Bucks. Messing with a Blackberry while Alexandra and I have myspace comment wars while sitting twenty feet from one another or being entertained by crazy people, one of whom has admitted to killing people while serving them free samples of coffee (yes, even the homeless are picky about their coffee), which sounds better to you?

AND I dyed my hair. It's freaky how much I look like my sister in this picture:


P.P.S. It's only 6 days until the surprise of the century...if only I could tell you. :)

Work Gets In The Way...

Last Friday some girlfriends and I got together to "improvise." We didn't actually improvise. We had a two hour dance party and ate cupcakes. I know what you're thinking, "That sounds like a cliche slumber party! Did ya'll have a pillow fight too??!!" Well, it kind of was a slumber party without the slumber. For now (meaning for our Cagematch entry) we are called: P.S. The Dandade Breakdown after our good friend Neil Dandade. Ellen unfortunately cannot enter the Cagematch with our team. She was stolen out from under our noses by another team. Bastards. Oh not really. I'm only kidding. Here is our thoughtful picture, where we are thinking about thinking but not actually thinking. Or something.


The truths is:
I am stressed.
I don't normally admit things like that, and don't normally get stressed that easily, but I am. Right now.

I woke up this morning with a list so long running through my head that I want to hide from myself. I realized yesterday I have to pick up some things from my friend Johanna who lives in the South Loop, do my laundry, work, find a Christmas present for my dad (I can't JUST get him a nose hair trimmer, you know?), clean my apartment, and finish my screenplay for Project Writing Reader's Theatre at iO, hopefully all before Saturday morning when my parents get here. I am the first writer to present for Reader's Theater. I'm not as nervous about presenting as I am finishing. I'm usually a last minute kind of girl. But there are other people involved now, not just me, and that's pressure. Argh. My cold is getting a little better though.

Does anyone want to come over and do my laundry, clean, and work at the 'Bucks for me? The rest I can handle if someone could just take care of those little things for me. Thanks. I appreciate it.

Christmas Reflection #3...

That's me. As a kid.

My family always opens presents on Christmas Eve and then Santa comes that night. It's pretty groovy and was especially so as a young child. Not only did I get to open gifts, but I always knew more would be waiting for me the next morning. It may sound like a lot, but I was an only child for most of my life...so I was spoiled. I was not rotten though (well, that one time at my fifth birthday I was. I got really mad that Becky Hill tried to help me open one of my presents. The only reason I remember that is because it's on video). My parents...hold it...I mean Santa, always set up the toys and arranged them. It was like walking into the storefront of Toys R Us. Anything that had batteries was turned on and moving, the My Little Ponies were all arranged inside their My Little Pony Castle, and when I got my child-size kitchen and grocery store, it was ready to go. I also could never sleep past 4am on Christmas morning and would not go back to bed. I had to play with everything three times over.

Santa still comes to visit me. You read that right. He even still comes to visit my sister and her boyfriend/maybe fiance/maybe pimp. That's right. Marry me and Santa will grace your Christmas morning once again. In my house, as long as you don't say he doesn't exist, he will come to visit you. Even when I have kids, I bet he will still come visit. Want to know why? My parents still get stuff from Santa Claus sometimes. So maybe...he IS real after all.

NBC Building Day 2...

That's right folks. I did such a good job stuffing Christmas cards into envelopes that the big boss asked me back to set up his Blackberry. I see the connection. Wish me luck. I have no idea how to set up a Blackberry, I figure that's what Google is for.

While I'm gone:


Don't mess with my Chuck.

And again...

So I've accidentally spent the whole day with Alexandra again, except this time it isn't as fun. It's not Alexandra's fault it's no fun. She asked me to help out our friend Meri, who I know from our fabulous book club, by stuffing envelopes for the law firm Meri works at. I am currently sitting at the front desk doing absolutely nothing because it only took me an hour and a half to stuff the envelopes and now I have nothing to do. Alexandra's office shares an office with the Mary's law firm. A-bomb is currently working in the copy room behind me. We are so close, yet so far away. I saw her briefly while she was trying to locate a newspaper for her boss and when she was opening the mail. But that's it. A giant wooden wall-of-office is separating us now.

I did learn one thing today. In the words of Meri, "Don't ever get married." She has repeated this phrase several times today. Apparently there is an incident involving a ham and an in-law. Ah, the holidays.

Christmas Reflection #2...

That's right. I'm on a Christmas Album.

The Christmas of my senior year in high school, that would be Christmas 2001, my vocal coach, her husband, and daughter decided to gift the students of Forte Vocal Studios, an album. They gave us all the option to pick whatever Christmas song we wanted (with some limitations), gave us free recording time, free post-production time, and even paid for the rights for our songs to appear on the CD. That's pretty cool.

They also generously paid for us to do a photo shoot as a studio for the cover. The picture is not the cover I'm sorry to say. The cover itself wouldn't scan properly. The cover of the album, entitled Frost, has a picture of us looking serious and more music-artist-wannabe-like. This is the smiley picture they printed for our walls at home. It may look like a sweet picture but, in person, the make-up lady turned out to be crazy. We actually looked like we all had black eyes and blood stained lips. The hair lady teased most peoples hair similar to the style worn by many people in 1989, however us "hip" ladies went all "un-Texas" on her and tamed it back down. Also, the mom who I rode with in the car that day to the "hip urban loft" where the shoot took place, was sincerely excited about her new Westlife CD. Google them. I dare you.

Frost was sold somewhere, but I don't remember where. There was talk of it being sold at Wherehouse Music, but then something happened, like, they went out of business.

Not everyone at the studio celebrated Christmas. One girl was (and still is I presume) Jewish. I don't remember what song she sang on the album...but she sang something.

P.S. I recorded Mariah Carey's Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).
No you can't hear it.
Unless you're smart enough to MAYBE locate it on myspace.
But you'd have to be really smart to do that.

This Will Change Your Life...

This made me very happy. Please watch the whole thing. It's amazing.

It's 1:30 in the morning. I was sick in bed most of today (now yesterday) and took some Theraflu before my attempted bedtime at 8:30pm. Usually it knocks me out, but tonight it left me wide awake. WIDE awake. I keep un-reminding myself that I have to get up at 6:15am for work this morning. That's five hours from now. And my throat still hurts. Boo to colds.

P.S. Of course I am watching Parental Control, and yes, one of those crazy-ass mo-fo's just propsed to the girlfriend that his parents hate. Priceless.

Christmas Reflection #1...

I have been thinking about past holidays lately, mainly because this one is so rapidly approaching. I thought I might take some time to share some of my favorite memories I have been remembering upon my reflection lately....you dig?

This picture is from my first Christmas in Los Angeles. Yes, I lived there for almost two years.

My friend Aimee and I decided to host a Christmas cocktail party for our women's group and their significant others. At the time, Aimee and I considered each other our significant other so it was only fitting for us to host the party together. The party started at 8pm. Aimee, her brother Jason (pictured above) and I (also pictured above) started our drinking around 6pm. Aimee asked Jason and I to take a candid "action shot" of some party mingling. The champagne bubbles had gotten to our heads by this point and this picture was the best we could come up with. I'm pretty sure I'm laughing, not crying and I'm pretty sure Jason is laughing, not hurling. But can we really be sure? You would have to ask Aimee...

I just noticed that all the shrimp cocktail was gone by this point.

Lonely women...

I took myself to an improv show Thursday night. Just me. I knew some people I know might be there, but it ended up just being me. As I was walking to the train after it was over, a woman who had just exited the Green Mill began talking to me. She asked me where I had been what I had been doing etc... She wasn't a homeless woman by any means and was probably in her late fifties. She proceeded to tell me how she had taken herself to dinner and to see a big band play all by herself and that she didn't care that nobody wanted to go with her. I thought nothing of it really. The woman kept making conversation with me once on the platform about anything that came into her head. It occured to me that she doesn't have a lot of friends or family with which to converse. She is pretty lonely as we speak.

This morning it occured to me that I have taken myself to a movie, an improv show, and lunch this week all by myself. And that's just the total for this week alone. I am becoming this woman and I'm only twenty-three. Help me.

Accidents can happen, they can happen to you...

I had the pleasure of going to lunch with my friend Alexandra on Tuesday. In order to meet her I had to go downtown to her office in the NBC building. She drew me these maps in order to help me find my why. She's pretty thoughtful and must have been avoiding actually working. We had a nice lunch of Japanese food from a food court.

After lunch I went to see a movie with myself. For all of you Julia Cameron fans call it an "artist date." It just so happened that the movie let out right as Alexandra was getting off of work. So we rode the train together. It was sweet.

I thought we were parting ways when we ended up eating dinner together too, this time at Chipotle.

Don't think the night ended there. We went to the Hideout to see Funny Ha Ha which for me was less funny and even lesser ha ha, except for the short film and the woman from Schadenfreude. But our friend from improv class Alissa was there. That was fun. Alexandra and I eventually did have to part ways...but not without accidentally spending two meals and several hours of our day in each others company. So sweet.

The quote of the evening belongs to Alissa. We all were putting our coats on and bundling up when Alissa exclaimed, "Why is there an onion in my pocket?" She then proceeded to pull an onion out of her pocket.

A Tale of Three Parties...

Friday was my first snow day. I've never lived in a place with a real winter before. This is exciting for me.

Saturday, I had the first of many early morning, freezing cold walks to work. I had to be there at 5am, so at if you were out and about Saturday morning, around 4:45 or so, you might have seen me. A giant puff ball of Baby Phat happiness. After my lovely writing class that afternoon, I decided to brave the cold, with my friend Michael and his friend Chelsea, and party hop. We went to three parties, one of which I knew the host and the other two I was just an awesome sidekick.

The first one was full of single women and gay men. You would think if the single ladies wanted a date they would figure out to invite some straight men as well. It was lots of fun and a very nice place.

The third one was filled with four couples and was also in a very nice apartment. It made my paint chipped bathroom door feel a little less special. They had amazing artichoke dip.

The second party, well I saved the best for last. The second party we went to was thrown by a guy named Greg, who is in my writing class. Greg's dad invented the laser light show. He lives in a great apartment with brick walls and all that loft-like jazz. The decor was out of this world, almost literally. There was art on the wall with lights making the colors look as if they were changing and a video projected onto the wall. There were crazy neon lights everywhere and even a train that went around the ceiling. Greg also has every computer ever used since whenever computers were invented. It was so cool. I felt like I was on the set of some really hip sci-fi movie, if those even exist. Way to go Greg.

My grandpa worked on the first computers. However I didn't get his tech smartness like Greg got from his father.

There is an island somewhere calling my name...

I seem to think this a lot:

"Really?"

My brain repeats this phrase at least ten times a day if not more. A lot of the time it has to do with customers at work, who are strange and truthfully disconnected from the world around them. Some of the time it has to do with my friends and family who I love, but sometimes do strange things. Other times it is purely random. The cause of the phrase most often this week is men. They are strange. I don't get them. I've never really claimed to be an expert, but I now know I'm not even close to being slightly knowledgeable. I wish I could find a guy who would give me an honest answer to some questions I have, but it may be impossible. Questions I have for a male if one chooses to answer:

What makes a guy think that singing. "We Built This City on Rock and Roll" to me at a condiment bar will make me want to go out with them?

What makes a guy think that after he tells a girl she is weak, or should f*** off, she will want to be friends with him again?

What makes a guy break up with a girl like me? (And if you know me, you know I'm pretty awesome).

What makes a guy think that buying his girlfriend a crock pot for her birthday is okay even if she says that's what she wants, but she also has said she likes jewelry?

What makes a guy think that dancing up behind me at a bar/club will be a turn on even after I have walked away from him over three times?

What makes a guy NOT say how he really feels?

What makes a guy think that telling his co-worker she looks "horrible" on the one day she doesn't bother to wear make-up because she was up all night is okay?

Technically men have bigger brains than females...but I don't see it.

I should end this by saying I have plenty of moments, I'm sure, where people look at me and think, "Really?" But I don't have to comment on those. It's my blog and I can say whatever I want to.

P.S. It's going to snow. But it hasn't snowed yet. You want to know the ironic part? It's snowing at my parents house in Texas right now:


That's my parents backyard with "Texas Dust" aka snow.

So you're bored...

I have been a little bad about updating this week. I've had to work more than normal and unlike you I don't have internet access at my job at unamed-coffee house.

I will buy a beer for anyone who can tell me what this is a drawing of:


*This offer is not valid if your name is Johanna or Ellen. Or Adam (Johanna's husband) for that matter. You live with Johanna and she will probably tell you what it is since she drew it.

Rub your stomach all filled with turkey...and smile.

Stop Rubbing Your Theater In My Face is a lovely three-woman improv group that consists of me, Tahnee the Tiny Dessert Authority and Alexandra. The three of us ladies had our first Thanksgiving together this year in Wilmette at Alexandra's childhood home. Here, in pictures, is our eventful and exciting day. Enjoy.

_________________________________________________________________

Tahnee and I took the train north to Wilmette. We realized neither of us had been past the Lawrence red line stop. Tahnee was excited.


Tahnee and I had a discussion about where the el trains are stored. We were sure they must be stored on the south side. Cicero was our exact guess. When switching trains at Howard we realized that we should probably work on our tendency to stereotype...ladies and gentlemen, I present trains stored on the north side:


The train ride was long and we attempted a crossword. The only time we seemed to come up with answers was while riding through Evanston. What's that about?


We finally arrived at Alexandra's childhood home. Well, her home since she was five. And of course now she lives in Chicago...but you get the idea. We were given a tour and quickly discovered that Alexandra's face has not changed since she was a child. Awww...how cute.


Eventually there was food. But only after I discovered my new favorite book. Schott's Almanac. It's amazing. I love this picture. The turkey looks like it's from a catalogue. Alexandra's mother was like a real life Martha Stewart. There was so much food all perfectly prepared. There was even vegetarian gravy and stuffing for Tahnee and gluten-free for Alexandra. Amazing. This is Alexandra's father. He is a really nice man who kind of reminds of my dad, with more hair.


Tahnee licked her plate.


I went back for thirds...and couldn't finish. Alas, it was a good effort. I did end up with three pieces of pie though. Three different kinds of pie. Well, they were all pumpkin. So three different versions of pumpkin pie. That's what I ended up with.


Afterwards we played with our food...


Then we did bad improv...

We partook in a little Boggle tournament with Alexandra's sisters. They had recently taken the ACT and found words that I didn't know existed.


I just realized you can spell the word "sex" in the above picture which is a great segway to Alexandra bringing sexy back to the foosball table.


Alexandra's mom sent us home with leftovers. I gave mine to a homeless man on the train. He was really excited about the corn pudding. Yes, Alexandra's mom even had little take-out containers for our food.


It was a glorious day. Tahnee and I were happy, fulfilled, and tired on the train ride home. Good food, good friends, good fun. That's what I always strive for and it was attained.


_________________________________________________________________

What a fun day. The day actually ended with Tahnee and I catching the tail end of an orphaned improvisor's get-together, but I don't have pictures of that. Boo. I will admit, it was my first holiday away from home. I missed my family. I actually begged to get off of work just so I wouldn't have to serve coffee all day, eat a frozen burrito and drown my sorrows in a sappy Christmas movie...alone...in my studio apartment.

I hope you had a happy holiday wherever you were. Just think...there are more holiday's around the corner... Including Christmas. My favorite. Thank you to Alexandra's mom and dad, her grandparents, her cousins, her aunt and uncle and her sisters for making Tahnee and I a part of your family for the day. The biggest thank you is from me to my fellow improvisors...T and Mayor McCheese (that's Alexandra). Thank you for being such good friends and for lifting my spirits. Ya'll rock. You really are the best. :). I just got sappy. Remember that, it doesn't happen often.

Have a good day. I love you.

Weekend mom love...

This is my mom and a former student of hers, Adam. Adam is really excited that while he is at his boring job, where all five bosses are located outside of the Chicago area, he can read my blog and see his picture on it. Famous Adam.

I apologize for the blurry picture. It was taken in the Signature Room in the Hancock Building/Tower (which is it?). That's not really an excuse for it being blurry. Nice Buffet, beautiful view. For some reason I felt like I was eating lunch at a wedding reception. To let you know, the best view is no longer in the women's restroom. They built a wall.

My momma was in town this weekend for a high school speech tournament in Northfield, IL. She's a speech and debate coach in case you didn't gather. I love that I got to see my mom. It was a nice break from my life for two days. She also bought me two news pairs of boots. Go team go.

That's it for me and mi familia until Christmas when my parents arrive in Chicago for their first "cold" Christmas.

I get to experience my first large family holiday gathering this Thursday. At home in Texas, I'm lucky if five people are there for our Thanksgiving festivities. I, along with Tahnee, will be spending turkey day with Alexandra at her family's house in the burbs. Alexandra's mother is sad that it will be a "small" Thanksgiving with only nineteen people in attendance. Bring on the bacon folks. I can't wait!

P.S. I went jogging today for the first time in a week and a half. I have lost some of my stamina I have to say. My side hurt not long after I began. I ended up walking and sporadically jogging thinking the pain would go away for almost two miles. I think I looked funny.

Adventures In Dating...

I recently discontinued dating someone...well, really they discontinued dating me. It's a shame really, I was just getting into the whole thing. And as much as this person will deny it, he was really into me one day and then over it the next. Crazy and pretty crappy towards me. When life hands you lemons you make lemonade right? If you're a writer, specifically a songwriter like me, people expect you to write a song about it. This has been said to me on more than one occasion,

"That sucks Molly. I'm sorry. Go write a song about it."

Really...people say that. And of course I usually end up writing a song about it....whatever "it" may be at the time, but I hate being told what to do. I'm sure, in fact I know, that I have many words for my current situation, but a songwriter I admire has actually put my current feelings into much better words than I think I can muster right now. I know what you're thinking....I don't want to read song lyrics Molly. My cubicle is much more exciting. No it's not. Read 'em and weep:

(make sure to pay special attention to the 2nd verse and pre-chorus...I'll put them in bold for those of you who have no idea what that means...)

Head under water and they tell me to breathe easy for awhile
But breathing gets harder even I know that

You made room for me but it’s too soon to see if I’m happy in your hands
I’m unusually hard to hold onto

Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I’m not gonna write you a love song
Cause you asked for it
Cause you need one you see
I’m not gonna write you a love song
Cause you tell me its make or break in this if you’re on your way
I’m not gonna write you stay
If all you have is leavin’ I’m (gonn)a need a better reason to write you a love song today.

I learned the hard way that they all say things you want to hear
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you
And your twisted words your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I’m trying to let you hear me as I am

I’m not gonna write you a love song
Cause you asked for it
Cause you need one you see
I’m not gonna write you a love song
Cause you tell me its make or break in this if you’re on your way
I’m not gonna write you stay
If all you have is leavin’ I’m (gonn)a need a better reason to write you a love song today.

Promise me you’ll leave the light on
To help me see. Daylight my guide gone…
Cause I believe there’s way you can love me because I say…

I won’t write you a love song
Cause you asked for it
Cause you need one you see
I’m not gonna write you a love song
Cause you tell me its make or break in this
Is that why you wanted a love song
Cause you asked for it
Cause you need one you see
I’m not gonna write you a love song
Cause you tell me it’s make or break in this if you’re on your way
I’m not gonna write you to stay
I f your heart is nowhere in it I don’t want it for minute
Babe, I’d walk the seven seas when I believe that there’s a reason to write you a love song today…


Glad you made it through. The song is called "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles. I think her album comes out next year...you can hear it on her myspace page:
Love Song by Sara Bareilles

One last note: saying "I don't see a future" is a moot point. The future hasn't happened yet. Of course you can't see it. You could die in the next five minutes. Nobody knows. As we say in improv, "we don't know where we're going, we only know where we've been." Excuses...always has been one and always will be.

P.S. It feels really good to know I have made wonderful friends after only two months in Chicago. After this incident in dating, they all separately offered to either kick his ass or bust his knee caps. I wish no ill will on this man, in fact I would like to keep around as a friend for awhile. Not to say after a few beers I didn't seriously consider one or more of these offers. I'm just too "nice" for violence.

Candid moments...

I went for several weeks thinking I didn't have a can opener, so I bought one. Last night, as I was washing my dishes, I discovered I now have two can openers.

PS I was wrong in my blog several blogs ago. I have only lived here slightly over TWO months. Un.Be.Liev.A.Ble.

In other news...

I had a funny thing happen today, and in light of other events it was needed.

I was walking down Belmont having a nice time listening to Death Cab For Cutie on my iPod, when i noticed I young gentlemen, dressed in big baggy clothing and a dirty skully, walking in front of me. He kept turning around and looking back. I didn't assume at the time his was looking at me. I should also say he was carrying a sack of food and drink from McDonalds and there is no McD's anywhere near this area. Where did it come from?

I thought I saw him walk into Cupresso (ghetto, crazy, sad looking coffee shop) but when I passed by he was standing in the doorway. He asked my if I would like to get coffee. I did not accept his proposal. And in some way, I should say it wasn't even sweet. He yelled,

"Coffee? Buy you some coffee?" several times.

Just another day in the gayborhood.

PS I saw this written on my friend's MySpace awhile ago and wanted to share. It somehow seems appropriate..."If I knew where I was going I'd already be there."

Slightly askew...

I've been a wee bit negative lately and I'm not sure why. I am very happy. My life is pretty good right now. Really I shouldn't say that because now that I've typed it something horrible will happen. Wait, that was negative.

I have lived in Chicago for a little over three months now. It's funny to think back on why I am in Chicago to begin with. I had only been here once before I moved here and that was to look for an apartment. I lived in LA and thought for sure the good Lord would force me back there, all the while praying that I would move to New York. Want to hear the irony? Here in Chicago I live on the corner of Melrose and Broadway.

::Insert Twilight Zone theme here::

PS The birthday bean has a music note on the other side. Strange. I didn't notice it before. My mom is STILL wondering why I haven't written a new song...she must have planted the note there to motivate me. Damn her, it worked.

Holiday's are coming...

Today I had a "staff" meeting at work. I know that some of you may think that a part-time job at a well-known coffee establishment would not require "staff" meetings, but it does. We had to discuss the upcoming holiday's along with updates on how to stay safe in a retail environment when the high-crime-time of year makes it's way into our lives. I apologize for the long sentence...

During the meeting we played an actual board game made by the mother company. I can't say the company's name because I will be found and shot. It was a team-building board game to help us all learn how to connect better with our customers. Really, the only thing I learned today was that all barista's are bitter and Jewish barista's REALLY hate Christmas.

P.S. The birthday bean has bloomed. This magical bean was a gift from my friend Aimee in California. I thought I had killed it, but no...it's death will be a little later in the little bean's life that I had orignally thought. Congratulations to me and happy birthday (20 days after the fact).

On this day...

i made a real blog page. not a myspace blog. somewhere children are crying and my mother is shaking her head wondering why i haven't written a new song...